Parents’ Visit Part Two – Newcastle and Beyond

by jehosak

After gallivanting around the countryside like a couple of teenagers, my parents finally remembered they were in the UK to see me. So they finally decided to come to Newcastle.

After the success of the tour bus in Edinburgh, I decided to take them on the one in Newcastle. It was a hit and again my Dad made sure to go on it as much as possible to ‘get his money’s worth’. We checked out a few museums and in one of them, there was a surprising amount of live snakes! I had to lead my mom around with her eyes closed until we had cleared them. Snakes are my mom’s biggest fear in the entire world. I have to admit, it was a bit hilarious leading around a grown woman shaking with fear in a museum. I lied to you mom, people were staring.

For lunch I decided to take my parents to a great British institution, Nando’s. Nando’s is HUGE in England. It is most peoples’ favourite place to eat and for those who don’t know, it is a delicious chain grilled Portuguese chicken restaurant. They have Nando’s in Canada too, but they aren’t nearly as good. My parents were a tad skeptical about how good it would be but they were very pleasantly surprised. My dad also became best friends with our waiter which was awesome.

After lunch, we walked. We walked pretty much all over. Grey St was a highlight with all of its structural beauty, and so was the Grainger Market. The Grainger Market is like a mini Granville Island with lots of food stalls and little shops. We found a small bulk candy shop and each filled up a bag of our favourites to eat as we walked.

We walked to the library (of course as mom is a librarian) and we found a little book of Geordie slang for sale, so naturally we bought it! We went to the Laing Art gallery across the street to pretend we were cultured. Most of the art went over our heads but it was pretty cool.

To get to China town, we cut through the university of Newcastle’s campus. Given that it was September, there were a lot of people milling around handing things out. I suppose I must have looked like a foreign first year (18 year old!) student with her family getting settled in to uni life, because I had a bunch of people come up to me and welcome to the school. I didn’t have the heart to tell anyone that despite my baby face I’m actually 24 and finished my degree…

In china town, we came across a bar that Kitoshi and I had walked past when he was here but hadn’t entered, Rosie’s bar. There is a sign on the window that states “Probably the best bar in the world!” With a ringing endorsement like that, there was no way we weren’t going in! Inside it was a bit dingy, smelt slightly of wee (as all good dives should), and had a row of decapitated mannequin heads above the bar. Rosie’s bar is a thing of legend and there is an intricate story of how the place came to be with characters corresponding to each head. Occasionally the heads would blink or move to really freak you out. This bar was AWESOME. We stayed for a pint practicing Geordie slang from the book before heading back to my parent’s hotel.

The hotel my parents stayed at was, in short, amazing. The room was cool and everything, but what really made it great was the happy hour! Every day at 6pm, the hotel serves free booze and food in the lobby. UNLIMITED FREE SNACKS AND BOOZE. Needless to say, we made sure we were they every day at 6.

After predrinking at the hotel like the university students we aren’t, we headed out for dinner at the Pitcher and Piano, the restaurant with the best view in Newcastle. It was too cold to sit outside, but we made sure we had a lovely view of the tyne from our table. At night, the millennium bridge lights up and changes colour and it a gorgeous sight to behold. We also got to witness it raising as a boat went by! Dinner was a great end to our busy day.

The next day, Abi and I went to work cooking (Abi) and decorating (me) for my ALL HOLIDAYS EVER INTO ONE MEAL EXTRAVAGANZA. Since I would be missing all the important holidays with my family this year, I decided to cram them all into one singular event. This meal would cover, New Years, my birthday, their birthdays, Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Easter. I made weird and ridiculous paper decorations to put on the windows and Abi made a Sunday dinner with some holiday specific extras like birthday cake, thanksgiving stuffing, and fancy wine. It was glorious! I even lit candles. If you are ever like, “wow, I could really use some holiday excess right now, but it isn’t a holiday…” I highly suggest this.

The next day, mom, dad, Abi, Yoshi, and I got into a rental car that fit us all and drove to Scarborough in North Yorkshire for a weekend trip. The drive was pretty through all the country roads and moors. We stopped along the way to hang lunch at Abi’s favourite pub in the entire world, The Lions Inn. We sat in a table by a roaring fire, drank some pints (except Abi who was driving) and had traditional pub food like bangers and mash. It was heaven. My dad even befriended the guys at the next table who were making a pit stop there from their walking holiday. Obviously the idea of a walking holiday intrigued my dad to no end and we finally had to drag him out of there. He left with a map and a brochure.

Once at our AirBnB in Scarborough, it became alarmingly apparent that my dad and Yoshi had bonded. For those of you who don’t know, my dad claims to hate all animals. It is a miracle that I was ever allowed to have a guinea pig growing up let alone a cat. He bitches and moans so much about pets that we were actually a bit worried about how he would handle hanging out with Yoshi. But to our surprise, they became best friends. My dad would place a chair in the centre of the living room and Yoshi would bring him his ball and they would play fetch for hours.

To be honest, I think my dad was just happy to have someone to throw the ball around with as Mark and I had always adamantly refused to do so. Who knows, maybe my dad will one day get his own dog.

The next day, we all got in the car and went for a drive around the city. We looked at the seaside fair (that I was outvoted in not going to! I really wanted to ride that ferris wheel), and checked out the parks. One of the parks looked familiar to my mom who remembered going there as a child, so we got out of the car and looked around. I found a mini train like the one in Stanley park (yes this one is also probably for children) so I reasoned that since we didn’t go on the ferris wheel, we were going on the train! I hopped aboard excitedly while Abi and my parents wondered on less excitedly behind me. It ended up being pretty cool. At the end of the train journey, we got out and went to a pub for lunch that was on the side of a cliff. The view of the water was gorgeous.

Back at the AirBnB, Abi, Yoshi, and my parents went out for a walk in the moors while I had a nap and when they got home, my mom made grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner.
I don’ know about you guys, but there is something that is extra delicious about a grilled cheese sandwich made by your mom. It was something I had really missed.

After dinner, we played pigs and five in a row until we all were too sleepy to trash talk each other.
After we got back to Newcastle, mom and I decided to have some girl time and go shopping. I took her to Elden Square and we hit all the major highlights. Of course, my mom now loves Primark just as much as me. We ate crepes made by handsome French men in the Grainger market (mom even had two!) and wandered around the food hall in Fenwick’s. It was a perfect day of retail therapy.

On my parent’s last night in Newcastle, we went to the Tyne bar with Sean (Abi had to work). Of course, I made sure we were there in time for the free food (it was Tuesday) and we had a blast. It was raining so instead of sitting on the grassy hill like usual, we sat in picnic tables under the bridge. Music played, drinks flowed, food was free, and there was gossip to be had. Finally, the four of us stumbled unsteadily out of the bar and it was time to go home. I said a tearful goodbye to my mom and dad and got in a cab with Sean to go back to the flat to meet up with Abi.

I am so happy that my parents came to visit. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed them until they got here.

Until next time,

All my love,

Janet-Elizabeth

26Nov2014

Museums, Ghosts, Pigs, and Prosecco (AKA My Parents Come to Visit)

by jehosak

Every time I FaceTime with my mom, my dad will, without fail, pipe up in the background and say, “Are you calling to tell us you are coming home?” In fact, my dear old dad had such little faith in my plan to stay a whole year that he kept postponing buying plane tickets to come and visit me. I prevailed and they arrived in September. But, when I picked them up from the airport I couldn’t help but tell dad that it was awkward he was here since I was actually just going to catch a plane back to Vancouver. The look on his jet legged face before he realized I was joking was priceless.

Our first stop in our mini UK tour was York! My mom and I had been to York once before when I was about 15. I don’t remember too much of the trip except for being a sullen emo teenager who wasn’t impressed by anything. I remember scouring the streets for other teens in band tees I could trade eye rolls with. Thankfully I’ve grown out of that phase and actually had some fun this time.

Our first full day in York was eventful. We went on a walking tour in the morning then had lunch overlooking the water at a Pizza Express (chain restaurant similar to Boston Pizza). As per my dad’s insistence, we sat outside with a view of the water. For a while it was just us outside so we were classic unfiltered Hosaks talking about wildly inappropriate things while getting deluxe drunk (what Susanna and I call day drinking) on prosecco. It was wonderful! Slowly the patio filled up with other people and we became aware that others were listening with rapt attention to our chat. The guy next to us even said he was sorry to see us go when we left! Clearly we are hilarious.

Kay and Jeanette arrived to join us at the AirBnB a few hours later and we decided to go on a ghost tour! It was AWESOME! The guy who ran it had a voice that voice over actors can only dream about. It was low and gravely with a hint of mischief. The man was in his late 60’s and had been running the same tour for over 20 years and he really knew his stuff. At one point, our group with interrupted with the heckling of some drunk idiot who just flat out refused to go away. We tried ignoring him but he just kept being a jerk. We made slight headway when the guide referred to the man as an “uneducated swine” but it wasn’t until a woman on the tour finally shouted, “Oy! Mate, piss off and do one!” and everyone began clapping that he finally left us to enjoy the rest of the tour in peace.

The next day was mostly filled with museums. York is known for having about a million of them and I am fairly certain we visited every one of them. For the purposes of keeping this short, I will skip to the one with the most drama.

For context, I’d like to inform you that my family doesn’t always agree in how museums should be done. My mom likes to wander in and out of rooms only really stopping to read what interests her, my father feels a strong need to read every single thing in order to ‘get his money’s worth’, and I (and Kay) prefer the exhibits that are made for children and are interactive. In fact, due to seeking out more child friendly museum activities we found that one of them was running a game in a palaeontology exhibit that allowed Kay and I to become DINOSAUR DETECTIVES! It was amazing and I am happy to report that we solved the case.

Anyways, due to our different museum styles, we found it was best to break off into groups (mom and Jeanette, me and Kay, and then just dad) and meet up at the end. The system worked perfectly until around the 45^th (approximately) museum of the day. Kay, Jeanette, mom, and I were all in the gift shop waiting for dad. We waited and waited, and waited, and waited. Finally, we began to worry so Kay and I decided to do another sweep of the museum to find him. We failed in our search and came back out to discover that he still hadn’t come back. Now we were really worried. Kay and I went back in again and this time enlisted museum employees with walkie talkies to search for him. I swear we had about 10 different people looking for him when we finally found him right as rain watching a projection about a prisoner in a little room. He couldn’t figure out why we were so concerned. The guy was lost for over an hour!

After that drama it was time for lunch. We went to a pub called the Golden Fleece which is hailed as the most haunted (and near oldest) pub in York! While we didn’t see any ghosts, we did get to walk up the super rickety staircases and ate our giant Yorkshire puddings in a room where the floor slanted dramatically down. It was so cool.

That night, we decided to stay in and hangout. So, naturally, we played pigs. For those who don’t know, Pass the Pigs, is a very important game in my family. It is played most often after dinner and with a lot of wine. It gets very competitive. Essentially, all the game is, is you toss two little pig figurines onto the table and how they land equals a certain amount of points. I know it sounds lame, but you will have to trust me. It is amazing and crazy addicting. Jeanette and Kay remembered the game from when they came to visit us in Canada several years ago and we excited to play. However, we did not count on the game bringing out the WORST in Kay. The woman was unbeatable! She kicked all of our asses. We never even had a chance. To make matters worse, she LOVED it. She taunted us at every turn, began filming her (many) successes and would laugh evilly at our losses. I had never seen this side of her before. It was wonderful, she fit in perfectly.

The next day before Kay and Jeanette had to go back to Birmingham, we decided to hit up one last museum, the Jorvik Viking Center. It was more of a ride than a museum. We were strapped into a little car and it took us through the exhibits which turned into a bit of a story! It was a lot of fun and they even added “realistic Viking smells” which was both weird and awesome.

Before we knew it, it was time for me and my parents to pack up again and go to Edinburgh. I had never been to Scotland so I was pretty excited.

Once out of the train station, we had a bit (lot) of trouble finding our AirBnB and if it hadn’t have been for a kind stranger who saw we were lost and then went out of his way to walk with us to where we needed to be, we might still be looking. This AirBnB had a neighbourhood cat that was the fattest cat I’d ever seen. I immediately befriended her and we hung out.

Scotland went by quickly as we were only there for a few days. But, we made the most of our time there. I insisted that we go on a guided bus tour in order to get our bearings and my parents hummed and hawed about it. Finally I threatened to just go by myself when they finally came with me. It turned out to be the best idea ever. Our live guide was hilarious and my dad was happy to ride around on the top of the bus for hours. He even insisted we go on it the next day as well in order to “get our money’s worth” as our ticket was for 24 hours. I am fairly certain that that bus and walking were the only transportation we actually used in Scotland.

Our place was near the Royal Mile so we did a lot of walking up and down there stopping now and then to wander in and out of the shops. There was a restaurant called Oink that only served pulled pork that mom and I became slightly obsessed with. We ate there twice in two days.

One of the nights, we went on another ghost tour that explored the underground tunnels and storerooms. It was very creepy! I got a chill in one of the rooms. We also made sure to go to at least one of the museums there to keep our pace up which was pretty cool also. We had a drink on Rose St which is known for being a long street housing pubs almost exclusively and my mom forced whiskey on all of us. It was the middle of the afternoon! And people say that I am the reckless one of the family!

On our last night in Edinburgh, mom and I curled up on the couch and caught up on episodes of Outlander. A perfect end to a wonderful few days in Scotland.

The next day, I went back to Newcastle while my parents continued traveling in Scotland. They eventually remembered they were here for me and came to Newcastle but that is a story for next time.

Until next time,

All my love,

Janet-Elizabeth

York

Pretty view

Museum in York

Yum

Ghost tour guide

Museum in York

Oooohhh

Museum in York

The Golden Fleece

Museum in York

Kay and I

Museum in York

Boat tour of York

Museum in York

Pigs

Museum in York

York

5 in a row on the train

Bus tour

Parliament

Wheredoiendandyoubegin

Haggis chips

Ice beer

Underground ghost tour

Scotland

One of the places JK wrote Harry Potter

Selfie

Awe

Ugh ice in beer

Scotland

Dad putting ice in his beer?!

Scotland

York

3Nov2014

Amsterdam 2.0

by jehosak

I take airplane safety VERY seriously. From the moment the flight attendant starts the demonstration until the moment they are finished, I listen with rapt attention. I go through the safety card with great detail practicing the proper hand positions and reminding myself to secure my own mask before assisting someone else.

Anna and I were sitting in the emergency exit row on this flight to Amsterdam and with this row comes major responsibility. So much so, that the flight attendant comes by and asks to make sure you can handle it. Obviously, I told her with great excitement that I could. But, I did notice something that deeply disturbed me. Anna did NOT pay any attention to any of the demonstrations and her safety card remained in her seat back pocket! I was horrified. So, naturally, I began to quiz her on procedures. Anna rolled her eyes and informed me that the only reason we have to wear seat belts on the plane is so they can identify our mangled deformed bodies easier in the event that we plummet to our untimely death. While she isn’t wrong, I still maintain that it is better to be safe than sorry.

The rest of the flight was spent drinking and discussing at length all the things we were going to do once we landed in Amsterdam for our little weekend getaway.

After dropping our bags off at the Flying Pig hostel, the first thing we did was find a coffee shop. As I imagine most of you know, coffee shops in Amsterdam do not only sell coffee. They also sell weed. Being from Vancouver I am no stranger to the pastime so we bought a little bit to last us the trip. In fact, we spent most of the weekend in and out of coffee shops getting stoned. It was sheer relaxed bliss.

Once I had a nice buzz going, Anna decided she wanted to venture to Wok to Walk because she was hungry. Wok to Walk is a delicious Thai restaurant with five locations in Amsterdam. I know this, because Anna had brought with her a map of where to find each location as she planned to eat there twice a day. To be honest, I think we used that map of Amsterdam more than any other map we had. We used each location as a land mark to orient ourselves. Spotting one was enough to make me feel victorious! It also helped that the food was amazing.

While Thai food was Anna’s main hunt, mine was cats! Most of the coffee shops and random stores have cats roaming about and I would fawn over them and attempt to cuddle while they actively ignored me. It was love. It became enough reason to make me go anywhere. All Anna would have to say was, “I heard there was a cat there” and I would follow her to the ends of the earth.

The one place we went where I knew up front there would be no cats, was the Nemo Museum. The Nemo Museum is a children’s science museum much like Science World in Vancouver. It was AMAZING. Anna and I explored among the children, trying different experiments, getting annoyed when kids budged in front of us but not really being able to do anything about it, and oohing and ahhing over all the stuff persevered in jars.

The best part about the museum, was the human sexuality section. It was amazing! It was kid friendly while still being accurate. No talks of storks here! My favourite part was a video on puberty. It was a cartoon presented like a puberty race between a boy and a girl. It was hilarious and super informative!

On our last day in Amsterdam, it poured rain. It was as if the skies opened up and just dumped all the rain that ever existed ever into the city. The kind of rain where you were soaked to the bone just from crossing the street. It was perfect coffee shop weather.

We squelched and splashed our way to the closest one to the hostel. It had a nice cozy basement where a bunch of people had gathered to enjoy a smoke and/or relax and drink juice and coffee. There was a TV on at the front of the room showing Just For Laughs Gags on mute. At first, no one really noticed the TV but once we all got more and more stoned/relaxed everyone settled in and began to watch. The gags were incredible, there would be like 4 or 5 different layers to them! My favourite was when they faked a space ship landing on the side of the highway and had plants all over to make the person believe it, including fake police! At the end the space ship opens to reveal a small dog. Hilarious! I looked around and noticed how invested everyone in the basement were in this show. Conversations had died down and instead we were all laughing at the same times while being incredibly impressed with the show. It was a great quiet comradery on this rainy day.

Before I knew it, it was time to head to the airport to go home. We gave the remainder of our stash to some girls in our hostel and headed out. At the airport, we indulged in some wine to prolong our vacation.

We even had some more wine on the plane. After, of course, the safety demonstration.

Until next time, all my love,

Janet-Elizabeth

16Oct2014

Greetings from Newcastle!

by jehosak

Just a quick postcard to say, “Hello”. That was the general theme of Lauren’s visit to Newcastle.

Lauren and I grew up next door to each other and despite having absolutely nothing in common we remain very close friends. So, I was super stoked when she told me she was going to Europe this summer and made me a spot on her trip.

She made her way to Newcastle from Paris which I think sounds quite glamorous. Newcastle was a well-timed middle of her trip stop. A nice break from crowded hostels, communal bathrooms, and a whole lot of FOMO (fear of missing out). While I love traveling, I know all too well about the stress that goes with it. No matter how many things you get to see in a city there will always be a million more you missed that people will make you feel guilty for. I decided to give Lauren a reprieve and instead we did a lot of nothing while getting pretty drunk.

The entire time Lauren was here, Hurricane Bertha was plaguing Newcastle which made it windy. I HATE WIND. Wind is my least favourite of all the weather and just makes me irrationally angry so a lot of our adventures were inside ones.

On her first full day, we went to the Metro Center which is one of the biggest malls in Europe. It reminds me a lot of Metrotown in Burnaby for its soul sucking energy. That said, we had a nice lunch a 50’s Americana themed restaurant that was actually quite fun.

The next day, we braved the storm (wind) and went wandering into town. I gave her my usual tour of the city center and Quayside. We looked at the bridges and attempted to take a few failed selfies when Lauren brought it out. She had one of those selfie sticks! I couldn’t believe it. She was super stoked about it but I couldn’t be more ashamed and embarrassed to be seen by some school children while we attempted to take pictures with this thing. Although, I must admit, the pictures worked out a lot better so maybe she is onto something after all.

Eventually we made our way over to the Tyne Bar and to get quite drunk. We sat on the grassy hill and wrote a few postcards to some friends as we watched the sunset over the water and bridges.

The next day, Lauren took the mega bus to Edinburgh without me because I had to work. She says that despite the wind (ugh) she had a great time. When she got back we had several hours to kill before she had to get on a bus to London to continue her trip. So, we ate pizza and cheesecake while getting quite drunk and watching a ton of movies. It was girls night at its finest.

So, in the spirit of our visit, we would like to (somewhat drunkenly) send all our love, and a little bit more, plus that guy’s over there to you!

Until next time,

Janet-Elizabeth

Funny faces

Nice faces

Tyne bar!

Tyne bar and funny face

WIND

Hurricane Bertha, we will rebuild

Lauren’s selfies

5Oct2014

Theatre, Food, Bridges, and Wax

by jehosak

I was so excited for Kitoshi to get here that I sat in the windowsill watching for the taxi. Sean and Abi teased me mercilessly, telling me things like, “A watched pot never boils” and other helpful advice I ignored. Up until he got on the plane, I honestly didn’t think he would actually get here. I’ve known him my entire life and while super fun and awesome, he’s never been the most reliable. So, when I saw his face in the cab window, I bolted down the stairs to greet him.

He came baring gifts! Gifts for Abi (soaps that I had strongly suspected actually came from his mother) and for me, the most magical of all things, KRAFT DINNER. And not just one or two boxes, he brought me a case from Costco with the boxes removed for easy packing! It’s gotta be KD, guys, and it was. Thanks Aiko, I know you played a big hand in this!

However, there was something else in his suitcase that caught my attention, in quite literally every single spare square inch of space were nuts. Salted nuts, unsalted nuts, jarred nuts, bagged nuts, and boxed nuts. He claims his mother saw his suitcase and wanted to fill up the extra space and nuts were the logical filler. But, I suspect he organized this himself thinking that I wouldn’t feed him. He was wrong of course as one of the first things we did was walk to an Indian restaurant for some spicy and delicious dinner.

His first full day in Newcastle was a hot one. The kind of weather where you can break a sweat by simply walking so when we saw the giant, big red city sightseeing Newcastle tour bus with the open double decker top, we couldn’t resist. We drove around in that thing for hours listening to the commentary about how Queen Victoria hated Newcastle and the history of the city’s seven bridges. We got off here and there to do some wandering but mostly we just sat at the top and let the wind blow through our hair. It was heaven.

For a snack we walked from the Baltic art gallery (which left us unimpressed with the current exhibits) across the Millennium bridge and enjoyed drinks and appetizers at the very fancy Quayside restaurant, The Pitcher and Piano. We felt so posh watching the sun set over the water.

The next day we wandered around Newcastle’s China town which is only a few blocks long but did manage to cure Kato’s craving for bubble tea. We sat in a park while he turned his straw into a pea shooter and different trees into targets for the bubbles to hit. This may have been juvenile, but, we were doubled over laughing so I stand by our behaviour.

That night, we made our way over to the Tyneside Cinema. An old art deco style movie theatre with a balcony and a red velvet curtain the goes over the screen before the show. It is the kind of place where it doesn’t really matter what you see because the theatre itself is the experience. We sat in the balcony on a couch and bought a bottle of wine from the concession stand. Since we were the only two people in the balcony we were free to add our own tipsy commentary to the film. If you are ever in Newcastle, I do urge you to check out this theatre.

We spent the next few days wandering in and out of pubs (free food Tuesday at the Tyne Bar of course), going for walks with Yoshi (who Kato became best friends with) and just generally enjoyed each other’s company. It was relaxed and fun so when Kitoshi suggested we go and see the Agatha Christie play, Black Coffee, that was in town, I couldn’t be more excited. As most of you know, going to see live theatre is one my favourite things in the entire world. We got all dressed up and enjoyed the show. I annoyed Kitoshi by solving the case within the first act (I cannot help but do this. It drives everyone insane) but thankfully he forgave me. Seeing the show was a perfect end to the first part of his visit.

The next day, Kato went off to Belgium for a week to explore and I stayed in Newcastle so I could get back to work and make some money in preparation for the final leg of our trip, London!

When I arrived at the AinBnB that Kato and I booked in London (for an amazing deal I might add), I was blown away. It was even more gorgeous than the pictures. The property in Brixton (South London) was a converted stables that felt more like a luxury boutique hotel. I arrived before Kitoshi and after meeting Bill and Anthea (our wonderful hosts) the first thing I did was take a long shower, cozy myself up in a fluffy white bathrobe, and read a book. So freaking relaxing. The level of fanciness was comparable to the time that teenaged Susanna and I were given the hotel room that Leonardo DiCaprio had stayed in the week before in New York City because the hotel had messed up my parent’s much cheaper booking.

While our accommodations were amazing, we actually didn’t spend too much time inside. We had a list of things we wanted to accomplish in the few short days we were in London so we began immediately.

Kitoshi had been talking about going to Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum for ages and despite my extreme resistance (wax figures are terrifying) I gave in and we bought tickets. We had a bit of time to kill so we ended up in Hyde Park where we saw people in the pond with those paddle boats! Unfortunately for us, all paddle boats had been rented out for the foreseeable future but they did had an old row boat. Kitoshi, having his heart set on some sort of boating, agreed and announced he was going to be all manly and row me around the pond. While I tried to be supportive, I couldn’t help but sing that song from the Little Mermaid when Ariel and Prince Eric are in the row boat at him. “Sha la la la la my oh my, looks like the boys too shy not gonna kiss the girl wooo woo”. Sadly he didn’t understand my Disney reference and seemed mostly confused by the song. Sigh. No one understands me. We did however pretend to be pirates and say “Ahoy matey” and “Shiver me timbers!” to the paddle boaters.

Once we returned the boat it was time for me to face my fears and enter the wax museum. Much to my relief and surprise, only the first few floors contained terrifying wax sculptures of celebrities that people were encouraged to pose with. The rest of the museum was more like a theme park with a haunted house, a little ride through history, and even one of those 4D movie things where they squirt water at you and such. All in all, I actually had a great time. You win this round, Kato.

That night, we went on a fun but creepy Jack the Ripper walking tour where we learned a lot (maybe even too much) about the gory details of life amongst the Ripper. If I’m being totally honest, though, it did make me excited to watch the first series of Whitechapel when I got back to Newcastle.

The next day, I was so excited to take Kato to the Camden Market which was my favourite place in London when I was a teenager. I would spend as much time as I could there so I know the area pretty well. We wandered through all the stalls, particularly enjoying the free food samples. We then went to Cyber Dog which is this amazing cyber punk shop that actually employs cage dancers! They just dance in cages while you shop. Cool, but a little bit weird.

To end off our amazing London adventure, we went to see Book of Mormon in the west end. I honestly cannot remember laughing so hard at a musical. It was incredible! We clearly weren’t the only ones who thought so either as the entire theatre was entirely sold out! I completely understand why it is Tony award winning.

As with the end of any trip, it was bittersweet. The next morning, Kitoshi got on the plane back to Vancouver and I got the train up to Newcastle. I was sad to see him go, but we both had to prepare for our next adventures.

Until next time,

All my love,

Janet-Elizabeth

Kato asleep cuddling with Rufus the cat

Probably the best bar in the world

Rosie’s Bar

Selfie

Dat Bar

Bus Tour

bus tour

China Town

Drink before Black Coffee

Waiting for Black Coffee to start

Newcastle Theatre Royal

Rainy Newcastle BBQ

Sharing my rain coat

Jesmond Dene

Sunshine selfie

Fluffy bathrobe in the AirBnB

Gorgeous room

Our own little garden NBD

We had the option to have breakfast out here

Amazing shower

My hero rowing me in the boat

So graceful

Other less cool boaters

Not nearly as cool as us

About now I’m singing the little mermaid at him

Smiles

Boat selfie

It was really hot out

Pond scum

more pond scum

Rowing away from the scummy part of the pond

Killing time on a park bench

Me having a nap on said park bench.

Tower of London

Jack the Ripper tour guide!

Our amazing breakfast in the conservatory

Converted stables

Book of Mormon!!

23Aug2014

Europe Cannot Stop True Love, It Can Only Delay it For a While

by jehosak

My friend Ange’s trip to Europe had a rough start.

Abi and I waited anxiously at the arrivals gate as person after person walked through. We chanted her name under our breath willing her to be next. My face welled up with happiness when I saw her and I was about to sprint towards her to commence excited squealing when I saw she was crying.
The airline had left her bag at Heathrow in London and she was understandably devastated. The airline was the definition of unhelpful in the matter so Abi and I gathered her up and took her home to sleep off her stress and jet leg. Thank God, shortly after she awoke the next morning her bag was a delivered and everything looked a lot brighter.

To celebrate, Ange and I ventured into the city center for some good old fashioned retail therapy. I was so excited to show her Primark (my favourite store) and revel with her in its cheap tatty glory. Keeping with the cheap theme, we met up with Sean at the Tyne Bar for some drinks and Free Food Tuesday, a lovely ending to a lovely day.

Over the next few days, Ange and I explored, lounged, discussed her travel plans for the rest of the month, and generally enjoyed each other’s company. She was doing what I had done when I was 19, traveling all over Europe all alone. When she planned this trip she was single and through with boys and due to Murphy ’s Law now that it was finally a real thing, she is one half of an amazing couple. She told me ADORABLE stories about her boyfriend, Lindsey and beamed whenever her phone beeped with a message from him. I’m never seen her so happy with someone. And with that happiness, the cracks in her travel plans began to show. Homesickness set in and her resolve showed signs of breaking.</p

Nonetheless we ventured on with our plan to go to Amsterdam! Neither of us had ever been and we were both really looking forward to it. It was a close call making it to the ferry for our 19 hour cruise to the Netherlands, but we made it in the nick of time! The cruise itself was really cool! We had our own little cabin with a window overlooking the water and even ate a delicious buffet breakfast.

Once docked, we took a bus to Amsterdam and then a metro to our hostel, Hostelle. Hostelle is a girls only hostel just outside of the city center. In all the times I’ve traveled, I’ve always stayed in co-ed rooms. It never even occurred to me to seek out female friendly accommodation. I must admit, it was MUCH cleaner.
Okay, so here’s the thing, I learned a lot about Amsterdam through school (my degree is in Sexuality and Gender for those who don’t know) and I couldn’t wait to explore the red light district! We went into a sex museum, saw some beautiful girls in windows, went to a museum about the beautiful girls in windows (very informative!) and ventured in and out of the numerous sex toy shops along the canal. I love the sex positive and non-judgemental vibe that the city just exudes! Then, we approached the theatre…

Seeing a live sex show in Amsterdam has been on my bucket list since I read about their existence in a magazine when I was a teenager and (un)fortunately for Ange, she was coming with me. We chose a place called the Moulin Rouge and once ushered into our seats, we took a good look around. It was a bar with bench seating and a small platform stage against one wall. Directly in front of us were some drunk American frat boys. To our right was a very sober elderly Asian couple who showed zero emotion about the whole experience. Behind us were a bunch of other backpackers like Ange and I. Off in a corner was the expected creepy guy alone in a big coat and in the audience participation “splash zone” was a big birthday party from the UK. The place was completely packed with this strange and interesting mix of people all buzzing with anticipation and varying degrees of uncomfortableness and apprehension.

What we saw on the stage was absolutely insanely ridiculous. The talent ranged in age from about 30 to 60 and appeared to be very well rehearsed in their acts. In particular, one act stood out to me the most. It was called “The Marker Show”. In this show, one of the women inserted a marker into her body and using her hips and what I can only imagine as very, very strong PC muscles wrote “Happy Birthday XOXO” onto the terrified stomach of the UK birthday boy. Clearly he had no idea that his friends had planned this. He was bright red and kept trying to get off the stage before she had finished. Everyone in the audience was in hysterics. But, what was truly astonishing was that she had better penmanship with her vagina that I do with my dominant hand! Talk about niche talents.

Ange and I left the theatre laughing. While the show was the furthest thing from sexy, it was funnier than many comedy shows I’ve ever been to. If you ever find yourself in Amsterdam with an open mind and looking for something unforgettable and once in a lifetime, do make sure you poke your head into the Moulin Rouge.
The next day poured with rain so naturally we went on a three hour walking tour of the city. I know that this may sound insane, but it had been so hot and muggy the day before that the rain was welcome and very refreshing. The tour was great, we learned all about Amsterdam’s long and interesting history while seeing all the sights. We even found a resting place for a Larry sticker (a friend’s ongoing art project) in the artist quarters of the city next to Amsterdam’s most famous squatters’ house.

After the tour, Ange and I took a canal cruise and saw the city from the water. Then that night from our hostel’s balcony, we listened to all the sounds of the Netherlands beating Costa Rica in the world cup quarter final. It was amazing, the cheers seemed to come from all directions and after they won fireworks exploded from the sky. But, when I glanced over at Ange, all I could see is how much she wished she was seeing all of this with her boyfriend.

The next day, Ange went off to Paris by herself (I was sad to see her go as it had been so wonderful to see her) to begin her backpacking tour of Europe and I went on home to Newcastle. And it was the day after that that Ange called to tell me she was in the airport going back home to Canada. She realized that right now, she needed to be home with Lindsey and that she didn’t need all the trappings of Europe to make her happy. Everything she needed was back home. And to be honest, that is probably one of the most romantic things I’ve ever seen.

Until next time, all my love,
Janet-Elizabeth

Sangria

Mint tea

Cool shop

Ange was stoked

Like a restaurant vending machine

So odd

For reals

In the walls!

Restaurant with food in the walls!

Amsterdam

As an energy drink?

We had lunch after the tour and our waitress eschewed our drink orders and gave us what she wanted to

Tour

Amsterdam

Amsterdam artist quarter

Larry sticker in the Amsterdam artist quarter

Larry sticker

Larry’s Amsterdam resting place

Amsterdam

Wonderful tour guide

Amsterdam

Staying dry on our tour

Cool girl from our hostel

She will never be wet!

Ange’s amazing rain poncho

Alice in Wonderland themed vibrators

Amsterdam

Amsterdam’s Moulin Rouge

Amsterdam

sexual confessions wall at the museum of prostitution

up close

Strange and hilarious signs near the canal

Bubble tea shop!

Amsterdam

Candy pizza!

On the bus

Our little cabin

The view from the cruise window

10Jun2014

Growing Pains

by jehosak

“And in this moment, I have become an adult”. I say this phrase a lot. I suppose it is because I am in my early/mid 20’s and therefore technically an adult (though with the rise of the adultolescent phenomenon I may have to wait until I reach 30). But it is more likely because of the sheer number of things I am starting to do that I have deemed “adult”. Now, when I put quotations around the word it makes it sound a bit dirty… I’m not talking about that kind of “adult”. Pervs.

Anyways, back on track, Here is a list of things I have done this year that I feel have been defining adult moments:

Rather than let myself and my coworkers be victims, I got a bully and all round despicable human being of a boss fired by taking meticulous time stamped notes of his horrific wrong doings (with back up witness statements) and sending them to head office
I got my very first business card with my name on it
I bought a well-made and matching suitcase set and only whined about it being more expensive than I had expected once
I left Canada and moved to England with no prospects (actually some may find that the opposite of an adult decision…)
I eat balanced, healthy, home cooked meals (they are cooked by Abi, but I pay my share and do all the dishes so it totally counts)
I made a pact with myself to keep my bedroom clean and have so far lived up to it
I have started properly regularly flossing my teeth (Thanks Kimmie for the adult pro tip)
Been able to light candles in my room without fearing that I will burn it all to the ground
Bought my first pair of jeans in about 6 years because a woman cannot live in sundresses alone.
And finally, as of now, I pay my England bills with money that I earned in England and not money that is in my savings account back in Canada (House cleaning for the win!)

Suck on that, you bureaucratic bitch ass hoes that made things way more difficult than they needed to be!!!

Okay, so maybe I am still sort of a child.

Until next time, all my love,

Janet-Elizabeth

2Jun2014

Not as Young as I Once Was

by jehosak

Abi and I have been talking about going to Alton towers since I first got here. Alton Towers is the largest theme park in England and is like Vancouver’s Playland but on crack. I’ve been once before when I was about 15 with Kay and her family but I didn’t remember all that much about it so I was thrilled to go again!

Obviously, Abi’s boyfriend Sean wanted to come with us with left us at an awkward number of three. After asking around, Peter, a friend of Abi’s agreed to come with us. Not only did he agree to come with us, he agreed to drive most of the way in his BMW!

Alton Towers is about 4 hours away from Newcastle and Peter lives an hour away from us. So, Sean, Abi, Yoshi (the dog) and I packed up Abi’s little car and got on the road at 7:13am (it would have been 7:00 if SOMEONE had been on time).

Since it is so far away and Abi’s mom and Peter live so close to each other we decided to drop the dog off with Sylvia (Abi’s mom) and rather than go all the way back to Newcastle that night, we would spend the night with her in Middlesbrough.

After we dropped off Yoshi with Sylvia and her dog (Cassie), Abi, Sean, and I got in the car with Peter. Calling shot gun was the greatest thing I ever could have done. I got to sit up front in a BMW for the smoothest 3 hour drive of my life. I’m not normally excited by cars, but this thing was glorious. It made me actually want to drive it myself which was a first.

Once at Alton Towers, Abi and I could not contain our excitement. We ran around like 8 year olds planning how we wanted the day to go. Obviously, we had to go on every single ride we could!

First was Oblivion, it is hailed as the world’s first vertical drop rollercoaster. It was the only ride I remembered from going with Kay when we were 15. It was actually terrifying considering I’m really not one for heights and we were in the front row.

Next was the newest ride, The Smiler. There was an hour (!!!) wait so we went in the single riders’ line and got on in about 10 minutes. It reminded me of a more extreme version of the Corkscrew at Playland. The really unique thing about Alton Towers is they try to make waiting in line an experience in itself. Although, that experience was a lot of being in very dark rooms with the odd random strobe light reminding you that you are still alive. The Smiler line had a LOT of that, I don’t think I could have waited the whole hour in it.

We made our way over to the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ride which included a boat ride and a walking tour. It was definitely mostly for children, but I loved it! (I was the only one).

Then, I saw it. The ride that any self-respecting theme park has. The Swings. You know the one I am talking about, you sit in a little wicker chair and you lifted up into the sky and gently swung in a circle while you feel like you are flying. When my friend Katie and I go to Playland every year, we go at least 3 times.

Here, in Alton Towers, it was shaped like a giant mushroom, unlike the classic baroque look of back home. I ran towards it holding my breath in excitement only to look behind me and see that only Abi has joined me. It turns out the boys thought it was “too spinny”. These same boys just went on 14 consecutive loops but The Swings were “too spinny”. Amateurs. Abi and I had a blast. I hope someone took a picture of us flying.

After all the morning’s excitement, it was time for lunch. We decided on BBQ place with nice outdoor seating. Just as we were taking our first bites, pirates came out of the woodwork and began to perform musical pirate show! I was beyond thrilled. Yelling when they told me too, singing along, oohing and ahhing when battles took place.

However, I looked around at my companions and discovered that I was the only one enjoying this surprise show. Abi, Sean, and Peter looked at me in shame and shock and were visibly cringing at the performance. Granted it was a little cheesy, or maybe a lot cheesy. But it was a pirate musical!! In that moment it became alarming clear to me that I have become Vacation Dad. Anyone who has ever been on vacation with my father knows exactly what I am talking about. I even used the phrase “it’s a don’t miss, guys!” If I had had a baseball hat and khaki shorts with a belt I would have looked identical to my Vacation Dad.

Upon realizing this horror, I didn’t put up a fight when they wanted to leave to go on more rides before the show was finished. Although, if I’m being honest, I really wanted to see how the show ended…

The rest of the day was filled with some pretty cool rides. Some highlights include the one where you go through a haunted house and shoot at ghosts with a blaster gun! I felt like I was in a video game. There was a ride where they pretend something has gone horribly wrong on the ride and most of the ride itself is trying to get out while workers in gas masks scream that aliens are coming to get you.

After that, it was time for some more outdoor rides. We found the water rides and got on board. On the Flume (a fancier version of Playland’s log ride) the only person who got wet was Peter and much to our amusement; it looked like he had wet himself. Hehehe.

The last ride we did was Air, which is where you are essentially laying on your stomach going on a rollercoaster like you are flying. It was fun. But, after I got off, something horrible happened. I was sick.

I have NEVER been sick at a theme park before. I was shocked and appalled at myself. So much so that I am going to chalk it up to heat exhaustion and over excitement and it had nothing to do with the rides. (Clearly, I am not as young as I used to be).

We packed it in shortly after that.

All in all, I have to say, that while the rides at Alton Towers may be fancy and scary with their dark rooms and baits and switches, nothing compares to the sheer terror of the wooden rollercoaster at Playland. On these Alton Tower rides you know that these things are very well made and you can actually feel how sturdy they are. Nothing like feeling the rickety rotten wood as you go flying over it on Playland’s oldest ride.

The drive back to Middlebrough was a quiet one where I slept most of it. Then back at Abi’s mom’s place I was still feeling under the weather so I just went to bed.

But the next morning, I was all bright eyed and bushy tailed so Abi, Sean, and I took the dogs for a walk in the moors. The moors were GORGEOUS. Totally worth the two hour hike to see them. (I only complained a little bit).

The dogs jumped and ran all over the place so excited to be out in the wild while us humans clambered on after them. I tagged a little behind so I could take some adorable sneaky secret pictures of Abi and Sean. They ended up being pretty frame worthy!

Until next time, all my love,

Janet-Elizabeth

ADORABLE

Yorkshire Moors

Rocking it

ADORABLE

Yorkshire Moors

ADORABLE

Yorkshire Moors

Majestic looking Cassie!

Yorkshire Moors

This was at the top of the hike, I thought it was nice

🙂

Yorkshire Moors

Puppies!

Yorkshire Moors

Yoshi

Cassie

Yorkshire Moors

Alton Towers

Hehehehe

Alton Towers

SO EXCITED

Yoshi rocking the back seat with me

On the road

19May2014

Eurovision 2014

by jehosak

Raise your hand in the air if you have heard of Eurovision Song Contest. If your hand is planted firmly at your side and you are looking at your screen questionably, don’t feel bad. I was in the same boat as you until last week.

Abi was going away for the weekend to visit some friends in Leeds. I was prepared to have a nice quiet weekend in just minding my own business, waiting for my NI-Number and working on my resume. But Sean, Abi’s boyfriend, had a different plan for me.

Every year, he and his friends gather at someone’s house to celebrate the insane spectacle that is Eurovision and this year, I was to go too. It was initiation time.

The best way to explain Eurovision Song Contest is kind of like an American Idol type show for the entire EU. Each country sends one act to compete. They go through a qualifying round and the top 26 countries/acts make it to the final round that everyone watches with glee.

Well, at least that is a more official description. Unofficially, it is just a giant drinking game for the folks at home.

You see, if you win Eurovision, you are required to host it the following year which as you can imagine is incredibly expensive so it appears that many countries send ridiculous and insane acts to avoid paying up the ass. (Case in point, one country’s act this year featured a man in the background running in a giant hamster wheel for no reason).

On Saturday May 10^th, Sean and I got to the gorgeous house of two of his friends who are newlyweds. Immediately I looked around this immaculate house and feared for what was to come as more and more people piled in carrying more and more bottles of booze.

A few minutes before show time, we were ushered into the viewing room to get started. As there were 13 people present and 26 countries, we each drew two countries from the bowl that we would then be assigned to for the rest of the night. I got Azerbaijan (Dilara Kazimova singing ‘Start a Fire’) and Switzerland (Sebalter singing ‘Hunter of Stars’). Initially, the countries you select do not matter as everyone drinks for every song as the game goes in two rounds.

Round One: The Songs

Each country presents their song in an elaborate and often a little insane fashion. There are a standing list of rules Sean and his friends have created over the years for this round that result in everyone taking a drink of beer or whatever you are drinking. Examples include:

A performer falls to their knees overcome with emotion
A performer cries overcome with emotion
There is a dramatic costume change
Pyrotechnics occur
Glitter explosion
Use of water

The list goes on and on. My favourite rule was if the performer had a “lovely figure” because we would all take a vote each time due to the subjective nature of the rule. We were pretty generous and drank to nearly everyone for that.

Going in, I had no idea what to expect. I had been told the performances were really out there, but nothing could have prepared me for the things I saw and heard. Russia sent twin girls standing on a giant seesaw that defied all laws of physics and they began with their hair tied together. Austria sent the most fabulous bearded drag queen (who eventually won the entire thing). And Poland just cut their losses and sent the most wonderfully vulgar thing I have ever seen.

Poland’s song was called ‘We are Slavic’ and was just girls in sexed up traditional dresses suggestively churning butter and doing their laundry. It was by far my favourite act of the night. I highly recommend you watch it on YouTube. The English translation of their lyrics include things like “We Slavic girls know how to use body language/We like to move what our mama gave us in our genes” and “Cream and butter tastes so good/We’ll prepare for you delicious food/Our beauty’s famous all over the world”. Basically, the message was Slavic girls are both hot and cook well and really what else does a song need?

I will tell you what else a song needs! A message so empowering that it is also catchy!

And that is exactly what Iceland provided. Their song, ‘No Prejudice’ was my second favourite of the evening. The performers came out wearing brightly coloured suits and educated the EU on bullying! Their lyrics included such gems as “I may stutter when I speak/But you don’t need to callme a freak/It’s not trigonometry/Inside we’re the same” and “Hey, even if you’re taller or someone who is smaller/Or perhaps you’re thinner or one who loves his dinner”. I’m not sure what trigonometry has to do with bullying, but they sang about it which such conviction that I accepted it as a fact and moved on. Again, I highly recommend that you watch and listen to this performance.

This was my favourite part of Eurovision. We are all dancing and singing along with all the performances.

By the end of round one everyone is a little bit tipsy, and I feel relatively unscathed but that was all about to change in round two.

Round Two: Voting

Once all the countries have performed, the voting begins. It works differently than say, the Olympics, but I guess that makes sense considering Eurovision is so uniquely its own.

To be honest I still struggle with how the voting works so I am stealing the description from Wikipedia so I get it right, “Countries award 12 points to their favourite song, then 10 to the second favourite, and then scores from 8 down to 1 to another eight songs”. Most importantly, a country cannot vote for themselves.

According to everyone at the party, the voting is super political and countries usually just tend to vote for the countries next to them and no one votes for the UK.

The drinking portion of this round however, is deadly. This is where your previously assigned countries come into play. The more points your countries get, the more shots you have to do. If a country awards your country 10 or 12 points you have to do a shot. With 37 countries voting, that is potentially a lot of shots. I felt so bad for the guy who had Austria, the winning country. By the end he could barely stand. I think he did something like 12 shots!

Luckily for me, my countries did pretty terribly and I only had to do four. One of the girls at the party was pregnant so she got to assign all of her shots to whoever she felt needed them and thankfully I managed to stay under her radar.

Our winner of the evening was a man who everyone calls Egg. The origin of nickname remains unknown to me as does he actual name. But honestly, when your nickname is Egg, who needs a real name? He was awarded with a blue wig, a witch nose, a very official (not official at all) certificate, and worst of all, the death pint. The death pint is where everyone pours a bit of what they are drinking into a large glass and he has to drink it all. He was thrilled with this bounty (not that thrilled).

I am so happy that I got to be included in this glorious display of European culture and I plan on bringing this home to Canada with me.

Until next time, all my love,

Janet-Elizabeth

6May2014

Czech it Out!

by jehosak

I was having an emotional week. On one hand, I got to see a bunch of British friends I haven’t seen since 2011 (Stu, Myke, Stefi, and Graham) and that was AMAZING. But, on the other hand, there were more bureaucratic snafus and I was kissed by the baby daddy of one of Abi’s friends. Of both of those things I was furious. I was getting restless and no amount of FaceTiming with my mom was making it better. I needed to escape for a little bit.

Enter, Prague. I had read a book over Christmas, The Daughter of Smoke and Bone, that was set in Prague and I immediately fell in love. It sounded like a truly magical city full of castles, bridges, towers, and mystery. A few minutes later I had a flight and a hostel booked and was packing my weekender (best present ever! Thanks Ramya!).

Monday:

Three days later was Monday April 28^th and I was on the plane. I made some small talk with the Czech girl next to me but mostly I looked excitedly out the window.

When we landed, I must have been a bit delirious. Upon realizing that I was able to read all the airport signs telling me where to go I was ecstatic! For a good 30 seconds I was actually convinced that I could speak Czech before I realized that the signs were in English. I was humiliated with myself. Talk about a roller-coaster of emotions.

The hostel I booked was called the Czech Inn. Those of you who know me well know that puns are among my all-time favourite things. I didn’t even read the reviews or care that it was 20 minutes out of Old Town by tram. As far as I was concerned, this was the place for me.

I walked into my 12 bunk bedroom and looked around in sheer horror upon realizing that the only beds left were top bunks. I HATE top bunks. You could so easily fall to your death. And they give them to kids?! Honestly!

Luckily for me, meeting my bunk mate (who had also just gotten to Prague) was nowhere near as terrifying. Her name was Lauren.

After saying hello, I mentioned I was hungry, she was too so we walked to the restaurant nearby to drink beer and eat goulash. It was over that dinner that we discovered we had a bizarre amount in common.

Lauren grew up in High Heaton only a few blocks away from where I am living now though moved to Australia when she was twelve. Leave it to me to find the only Geordie in all of Prague. She too is an avid solo traveler, and it was reading the SAME BOOK AS ME that brought her to Prague. I cannot stress enough that this is not that popular of a book. I found it in the bargain bin at Chapters. It was decided right then and there that we would not be leaving each other’s side the rest of the trip.

I had a friend in Prague. I was thrilled.

Tuesday:

Lauren and I started our first real day in Prague by going on the free walking tour. The tour was alright. I lasted longer than Lauren though who left halfway through because she got bored. The guide seemed to be just going through the motions, but it was still a good introduction to the city to get my bearings and actually take in the fact that I was standing in Prague.

After the tour, I randomly came across a sex museum. Obviously, I went in. Now, with my degree (Sexuality and Gender), I have been to a few sex museums in my time and I quite enjoyed this three story one.

Afterwards, I met Lauren back at the hostel for dinner so we could have something in our stomachs before going on the bar crawl.

Now, I’m not really a big drinker. I have a laughably low tolerance and with a few notable exceptions (any party of which I am the guest of honour) I usually am the more sober one in the group.

This was not the case tonight.

The night began with Lauren and me meeting our friends for the night, three guys from New York City who were a bit short so Lauren and I drunken nicknamed them the Lollypop Guild. The LG were super nice guys and we agreed to be their wing women.

At the first bar, we had 90 minutes of all you can drink sangria. I was in heaven. I was also immediately wasted.

While walking to the second bar, I tried to get Lauren and the LG to do the Wizard of Oz skip with me down the streets of Prague. It was at this time that I was made aware LG member 1 (oddly, I don’t think we ever actually exchanged names with the LG) is a fellow musical theatre nerd. Lauren, who was equally as drunk as me started having epiphanies, “Why is a building still called a building once you finish building it? It should be called a built.”

The night was looking up.

The second bar had another pub crawl in it. It was loads bigger than ours and looked so fun so everyone on my crawl tried to sneak into the room that they were in. Unfortunately for me, I was the only one repeatedly caught and brought back to our original room. I don’t know how everyone was so much stealthier than me! I was alone for ages while I waited for Lauren and the LG to get caught too.

Once my crawl finally returned to the right room, we downed two shots of jaeger each and then we were off to the third bar.

We didn’t stay all that long at the third bar, it was pretty empty. By the time Lauren and I had finished our double vodka and cokes, we were off to the fourth bar.

The fourth bar was a legend unto itself. It is five stories with a different theme on each floor. Lauren, the GL, and I began on the top floor which was hip hop. We rocked out on the balcony overlooking the dance pit when a fellow partier vomited on the back of LG member 2. This guy literally puked and rallied. I saw him in the dance pit not five minutes later. I would have been impressed had it not been for the fact it was up to me to attempt to clean the vomit off of LG member 2’s back with abandoned bar receipts. Thankfully LG member 3 gave member 2 his undershirt so we were able to keep dancing and drink some beer.

The highlight of the fourth bar for me was when we got to the oldies floor. They were pretty liberal in what they considered to be “oldies”, there were even a few songs in there that were only from a few years ago, but everyone knew all the words and the dance floor lit up. So really, what else could you want?

I will tell you what else you could want. The GREASE MEGA MIX. You know what I’m talking about. The super cut of all the classic Grease songs. When it came on, LG member 1 (theatre kid) and I looked at each other and immediately knew what was about to take place. I was Sandy, he was Danny, and we tore that place up. I had chills and they fucking multiplied.

Shortly after that, Lauren and I were exhausted and stumbled back to our hostel. However, all of the alcohol started to catch up to me and, much to my great shame, I did something I haven’t done since university… I threw up in an alley.

What can I say, Prague is a magical city.

Wednesday:

Bleary eyed, Lauren and I got up for another full day of Prague sightseeing. After stopping for breakfast at a café, we wandered over to the Lennon wall. The Lennon wall is an ongoing graffiti art project that symbolizes the end of Communism in Prague (Lennon vs. Lenin). I wrote “Let it be” and “La vie en rose” (not very imaginative, I know) on the wall with a marker and Lauren did some graffiti herself. There was a guy playing some Beatles songs on guitar. It was a beautiful and inspiring start to the day.

After that we went up to the Prague castle. The castle is located on a hill and looking down at the city from there was truly breathtaking.

Of course, we couldn’t head back into Old Town without checking out the Charles Bridge. Walking over this bridge that I had previously only read about was surreal. My pictures do not do it justice.

It was started to get dark when Lauren and I made it back to Old Town, just in time for our ghost tour to start.

I have always wanted to go on a ghost tour. So, when I found out Lauren would go with me, I dropped everything to search for one immediately. The one we picked took us under the Old Town Square (literally underground) and was led entirely by lamp light. It was beyond chilling. We spent most of the tour clinging to each other and squealing. I’m already looking up ghost tours in Newcastle that I can drag Abi on with me.

Thursday:

Getting up on Thursday was not easy. The cobblestones had irritated an old foot injury of mine that never properly healed (see old travel e-mails of when I failed spectacularly at my attempt of rebellion to break into a park). My foot was killing me. I could barely stand on it. But, I had an entire day and a half left in Prague and I would be damned if I was going to let it stop me from going out.

So, Lauren and I did what anyone in our position would do. We got fish pedicures.

It was quite the experience. At first they put us in the tank next to the window and people were just coming up and taping on the glass looking in in awe. I felt like I was an animal at the zoo. We were eventually moved because the fish in our tank were pretty sluggish.

The pedicure itself was really weird. You are literal fish food. Your feet are submerged into an aquarium of nice and warm water then swarms of tiny fish attack your feet and nibble off all the dead skin. Well, I suppose nibble is the wrong word as they don’t exactly have teeth. I want to pretend to be knowledgeable and say they do it with suction. But, to be honest all I know is that it really tickles when they get to the bottom of your feet!

After that, our feet were crazy smooth and soothed. But, unfortunately for us, the weather was not looking good. Instead of wandering around Prague some more, we took shelter in a nearby pub with a strong wifi signal and got deluxe drunk (the term Susanna and I coined in reference to day drinking) by drinking a stein of beer each.

We spent three hours there. It was amazing. We were exhausted from all of our adventures and room sharing doesn’t really provide the best sleeping environment, so we just looked out the windows are the rain and talked to our friends and family back home on our phones. My conversation with my mom on WhatsApp got progressively more and more drunk and the stein reduced in volume.

Finally, the skies opened and the sun appeared and it was time for us to venture back into civilization. We wandered over to Wenceslas Square and saw an impromptu opera performance.

There was a piano player busker on the street playing opera melodies when suddenly a man, woman, and their son road up on bicycles. They parked near the busker and started to join in! A crowd quickly formed as our socks were collectively blown off. It turns out that the man and woman are professional opera singers and decided to give an impromptu performance. It was incredible! I managed to get some of it on video but sadly I filmed it upside down. Then, as quickly as they came, they thanked the busker and the crowd and rode off again. But, not before I got a picture with them.

I know I said it before, but I think it bears repeating. Prague is a magical city.

After that, it was time for dinner and Lauren and I found this random restaurant/bar called Hangar that was themed after 1950 PanAm flights. Talk about specific. We weren’t sure what to make of the place at first, but I ended up eating the best ribs of my entire life.

We capped the night off which some classic Czech Black Light Theatre. It is a mix of abstract dancing with glow in the dark clothing and props and super cheesy pantomime. We had a blast. If you ever are in Prague, I highly recommend that you check one out.

Friday:

Much to my surprise, Lauren and I had managed to check off almost everything I had wanted to do on my trip. All that was left was a super cheesy train/bus tour of the city. It was definitely an automobile, but it was done up to look like a train. It was so cheesy it was hard to look at so obviously I just HAD to go on it.

It took us all over the city and served as bit of a recap of everything Lauren and I had seen. Halfway through when we were stopped at a traffic light, a woman came up to us and asked if we wanted to buy some cans of beer. Obviously, we did. We spent the rest of the tour cheersing random passerbys while our jealous tour mates looked on. Well, I assume they were jealous. It was equally possible that they thought we were being young and obnoxious.

I would accept either, really.

After the tour we grabbed some ice cream and I found some souvenirs, a novelty Prague condom featuring the Astronomical Clock for myself (PSA: Never actually use a novelty condom in place of a real one!) and a chocolate covered marshmallow for Abi (combines her two all-time favourite foods).

And then, it was time for me to go back to Newcastle.

I bussed to the airport and had one last goulash. Once on the plane, the strangest thing happened, the girl who I sat next to on the plane ride over, was sitting in the seat next to me on my way back.

Did I mention that Prague was a magical city?

Until next time, all my love,

Janet-Elizabeth